T/W: REFERENCE TO ABUSE (NON GRAPHIC)
We’ve all played this game, right?
In the playground with out friends, thinking over all the powers and carefully weighing each one as if we were to be actually granted our choice?
Oh, who am I kidding?
‘Played’ like I don’t still consider the merits of flight vs speed, brains or braun, laser eyes or Adamantium claws.
Oh, who am I kidding?
I didn’t have friends… I’ll wait for you to tune your tiny violins.
Anyway, back on track. The point is I used to say my superpower would be the ability to instantly learn any skill. That’s right, I was lifehacking, way before YouTube. It’s the ‘I wish for more wishes’ answer and yeah, you are right to be envious that you didn’t think of it and also yes it’s a shade devious but I’m not perfect, ok?
The point is, I wanted to be able to do anything I wanted without the annoyance of learning. Of putting in the time, the hours, the strain and the stress. The ups and the downs, the perseverance – I wanted to shout ‘Adrian!’ without running up the steps. I wanted to open my eyes and say, ‘I know Kung-Fu’
Recently though I’ve been thinking a lot about this and while I know it’s highly unlikely, I will get the real-life option of selecting a superpower (never say never), I have changed my mind.
The more I have work on my mental health, the more I understand that a lot of my past thinking was trauma responses. Which is SOOO annoying because the amount of work involved to undo and relearn is roughly a fuck tonne, which is at least 12x more work than is fair, quite frankly.
You see, as a child if I didn’t know, or took too long the results were… unpleasant shall we say, so I very quickly learned the ability to people please, keep my head down, camouflage myself. That lesson was compounded over time and with additional traumas and abuse well into my twenties, it served an important purpose – survival. So, it makes perfect sense that I would want that ability, its perfect for people please, camouflage and also defense.
But here’s the rub dear reader, you know what happens when you learn a skill? You change, you grow, it builds self-belief and esteem. You’ve taken something you could not do and with time, effort, determination and passion, you have one step at a time conquered that thing.
The achievement isn’t really the skill, it’s the mindset you grew to get you that skill, it’s the hours and the sacrifice, God damn it – it’s the journey. So being able to instantly do anything is a hollow power, you would remain stagnant as a person and simply just have a bunch of skills you couldn’t appreciate.
Yes, I can hear you, – ‘It’s just a game Sam – jeez, why are you being ants at a picnic about it?’
Because it is a revealing game, no? Don’t believe me?
Ok.
Think about the power you want, got it?
Now answer this.
Why? Why that power? Be super honest with yourself. You don’t have to tell anyone else. But when you dig to its core, you might be surprised
So, when I consider this question now, I think my answer would be this. I don’t want to choose. If super powers are bestowed upon me after a freak accident at the acme chemical plant while I was doing late night research into anti matter, then I will learn to use whatever that power is, I’ll learn to harness it. To control it, to use it inline with my current morality. To design a costume that is functional and bad ass. Then I’d find a bloody tailor – how can all of theses people sew their own costumes? Where do they get the budget for specialised fabrics?
Sorry, I lost me thread there for a second – get it – THREAD – because of sewing… never mind.
So, I choose the long path, the slow path, I choose the journey and I hope to hell I come out changed, either mentally or you know with super powers because of that dang chemical plant…
Also, though, I want to be able to have MIND MANIPULATION, see why I shouldn’t be allowed to pick. You do see don’t you. Yes, I knew you’d come around to my way of thinking…
I already covered that I wasn’t perfect, ok?!
Til next time, avoid vats of exposed bubbling chemicals…
Mastress of None 